i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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