A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
