just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
