Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
