I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
