actually, I'm a sock model
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
