awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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