I wish I could teleport
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
