apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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