she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sorry about my life...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
