i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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