im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
