had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"