My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.