Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
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I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
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It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂