I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
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There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
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She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer