No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
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It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
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Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music