I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
