remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's rum buckets o'clock
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
