Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
