Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
