Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
