so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
