OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
