is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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