it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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