I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
