guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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