i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
