Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
