That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
