I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
