onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
why do cheetos always look like penises
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize