woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
