Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We're too hungover to prance.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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