sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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