We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
