If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
