Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
