no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
