The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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