Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
