I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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