im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We named our party play list daddy issues
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Randomize
