there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
