I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
