how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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