babies were throwing up all over the place
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize