If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
