Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
