I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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