Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
