I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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