Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
