I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
