careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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