I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
