Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
