HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize