At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
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Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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