yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
