I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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