It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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