They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
