Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
