Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dick very happy bro
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
