Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
