is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
