the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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