I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
