I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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