I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
